Friday, June 22, 2007


Secrets, I cant stand them. Secrets use to not bother me so much before I was married. It actually use to be a little fun hearing bits of gossip about people every now and then.
But now, because of my in laws I feel like my life is surrounded by secrets. Secrets about boyfriends, secrets about health, secrets about vacations and visits, secrets about religion, secrets about our anger, secrets about dinner, secrets about cars, secrets about parties, secrets about phone calls, secrets about our sadness, secrets about our disappointments, secrets about our love...I just cant take it any longer!!!
Ive only been a part of this family for 13 years, I cant believe that they have all lived their whole lives like this. My father in law will be 79 years old this year, and its been this way for 79 years, will be this way until he dies and the sad part of everything, it will continue to be this way after he dies because no one knows how to be any other way.
So, here I am, on my blog, blabbing all of our family secrets. You will probably read this and think we are the most idiotic, petty and childish family you have ever known...and I completely agree. The only reason I stick around is I have somehow, been coaxed into loving this big bunch of freaks.
-My FIL lost a ton of blood a couple years ago after getting pallups removed, he was hospitalized twice. He doesn't want anyone in Spain to know about this (especially his brother Alfredo who suffered from the same thing, they haven't spoken in 20 years, they can barely remember why)
-My MIL is hesitant to go on their upcoming trip to Spain because she is embarrassed and mortified to be around her sister Ana Mari because my FIL publicly insulted her husband. My MIL wont tell my FIL why she doesn't want to go and he's an idiot if he cant figure it out.
-My in laws trip to Spain was delayed because my FIL was getting tests done on a hernia he has recently developed (the hernia is a secret also, he doesn't want anyone to know) and he had some tests done on his heart since he has been having pain for the past 60 years (yes you are right, the pain as well as the heart tests...both secrets) My brother in law actually said to Steve, "Dad is having some medical tests being done but we aren't allowed to tell you anything"
-My BIL is visiting us in August for 10 days, apparently that was a secret, I spilled the beans. I'm actually usually the one to spill the beans, it just happens to work out that way.
-My BIL is planning a trip to Spain in December to visit family and to meet our black sheep sister Vicky and our Grey sheep Lisa there. Neither MIL nor FIL know. I'm not sure who else doesn't know.
-My MIL thinks Steve and I took Marriage Prep classes through the Catholic church before we married, we didn't, Steve just told her we did. I think this secret is stupid since we didn't get married in a Catholic church, but Steve feels it is necessary to uphold this one.
-Steve and I lived together for a year before we married. Steve actually cleaned out every article of mine from the closet just so his mom could come over to our apartment. He then forced her to look at our tiny walk-in closet before she could leave our house. I was never a part of this secret, I answered questions honestly, sometimes a little skewed but never a blatant lie. Good thing they never straight out asked if we lived together. Would Steve have been disowned?
-My MIL goes to church 4 days a week, once on Sunday, then once for Steve, once for Vicky and once for Lisa. She doesn't want them to know.

What have secrets accomplished in this family? My FIL doesn't speak to 1/2 his siblings although they almost all live in the same little town in Spain. My SIL and FIL haven't spoken in 12 years. My MIL is miserable because she can never tell my FIL how she really feels about every aspect of their lives. I will always remember the secrets that were kept from me. I wont hold a grudge but that doesn't make them disappear. The reality of the secret is still there, but I have moved on, let it roll off my shoulder, forgive and forget. Is it possible to teach someone how to do this or do you really have to believe in it? I think you have to believe in it. Nothing works without faith.


Apples on a Stick said...

Ok, you had me until the very end then I got confused. But, um, you SO are not alone. I know another family that likes to keep secrets too. If it makes you feel any better I am the one who is always saying things I shouldn't too-sometimes it is just too confusing to keep straight.

Why do families do this? Judgment and acceptance. If you grow up in a judgmental environment, always feeling like your parents are disgusted with you or your choices you are going to start to hide things. If you feel unconditional love and acceptance from your parents/family you are more likely to be open (what do you have to hide?).

As for you Jenny, I know few people who are as accepting as you are (with the exception of slow people in the drive-through teller line). I think your girls will grow up not keeping secrets from you. I also suspect that Steve knows that you accept him and I don't think he is going to keep secrets from you. (sorry for the novel). BTW- are you home yet or still here?

Sara said...

Wow, Jenny. My in-laws seem strangely easier to take after reading about yours! But I guess we get what we can handle. I've never been good at secrets coming from a family of 6 women. And you could probably not spend a day with my MIL and still keep all the frustration to yourself!

Off the subject...Lizzie is sitting next to me drawing a picture of me. She just pointed out to me the vagina she drew for me. I told her we probably shouldn't draw pictures of our private parts. She said it was ok because she covered it up with shorts!

JRV said...

Sorry Heather, the end was confusing, my eyes were getting heavy towards the end, I was exhausted. It made sense when I wrote it at midnight. Oh well! PS, Im here until Monday evening.

April Lady said...

Um, why doesn't Feli give Joe a day at church. You'd thik she'd be praying for him to get married or something. Or perhaps, he is the one who knows all of the secrets. Maybe that's his true role in the's secret keeper! Well, just think about this least you have ME! And I certainly don't keep secrets! Horray for us and for honesty!

Loralee Choate said...

There is a flip side to this. I am almost incapable of keeping a secret, or keeping my big yap SHUT which is TERRIBLE. Nobody trusts you when you suck at it.

And BTW? You would be shocked at how many families I know that pretty much function just like this, or worse.