Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'm from a family of list makers

On Saturday I had a whole slew (is that an actual word) of things to do and many different stores and places to do them in. So, naturally I made a list.
Pancake Mix
Spinach Ravioli
I know, who goes to Costco for 4 things? I do. If I actually got everything we needed and would use and Steve saw that purchase on our Debit of $200...he would literally sh@# his pants. It makes absolutely no difference to him if we used every ounce of everything we bought, he does not like big purchases. No, I take that back. He doesn't like big perishable purchases. He has no problem whatsoever buying a $150...GPS system. Was is really $150? No! It was $200...was is really $200? No, it was $250. Finally the truth emerges as I give him one last chance while holding an enormous sharp kitchen knife (I was just chopping onions) okay okay okay, it was $299...I swear. (He says its for me, I guarantee it will enter my car maybe twice in the next 2 years) Anyways, I digress...on with my list.

POST OFFICE- Stamps (never purchased these, instead I used my $0.90 international stamps to mail a check to my friend 3 blocks away. Pathetic! )
Mail packages - I did almost all of this. I again used my $0.90 international stamps and guesstimated on the weight of each one. If none come back, I will then know I possess super powers to measure the weight or ANYTHING!! I didn't mail the package to my niece and nephew in France because then I would have had to go into the post office.

EXTRA - Easter dresses (dd this)
Church shoes
B-day gift for Rachel (did this)
B-day gift for Tyler (did this)
Easter basket gifts (I will have to accomplish this without the kids, our bunny just
gives a game and a chocolate bunny)
Mascara (did not do, how can I do this, it takes forever)
Water bottle (I have absolutely no idea what this means. I wrote it, its in my
writing, it makes no sense. Hmmmm, maybe I was just thirsty
at the time I wrote this list, 1am Friday night, I bought a bottle of Aquafina and drank it)

bananas (Safeway had NONE, not even in the back, was there some big freeze I didn't
hear about?)
chocolate chips
Parmesan cheese (we go through this like its water, Avrie has a slight
obsession, I think we spend about $30/month on
Parmesan cheese)
drinking grocery store
broccoli (yes, my kids eat it and strangely...love it)
yogurt (3 different kinds, one for me, one for Avrie, one for Cailin, complicated)
strawberries (on sale - 2 for 1)
red bell pepper

Okay, does something on the above list not fit, not make sense, is just bizarre? Yeah, I know...what the hell does "drinking grocery store" mean? There was absolutely no way to interpret that to make any kind of sense. Again, in my writing, in black and white, clear as day (that saying doesn't really work here in Seattle) To be able to decipher that into some sort of purchase would have taken some pretty savvy detective work. In the end I took it to mean buy 2 additional boxes of thin mint girl scout cookies from the miniature green and brown cookie pushers at the entrance to the grocery store. I thought that was safe detective work and nobody got hurt.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

What's in a name?

Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name?
Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name twice?
Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name three times?
Don't you hate it when you write someone a check with the wrong name on it?
Don't you hate it when you write them a second check with the wrong name on it again?
Don't you hate it when you blatantly introduce someone by the wrong name?
Now, wouldn't that suck if this all happened between you and a neighbor you have had for 2 years?
Guess what...it does suck!!!
Let me just reach down, grab my size 10 foot and clumsily shove it into my ridiculously inappropriate and socially awkward mouth.
And yet the story continues...
Continues? There was a story?
Yes, shut up and let me tell it!
So, my neighbor Christine...no Kimberly...no Christine...no Kimberly...lets just call her Eduardo, she came a ringin' on my doorbell to ask to borrow my vacuum cleaner. I then led her upstairs, introduced her with a completely incorrect name to my friend who was visiting. She (the neighbor) corrected me...for the 18th time (with a slight irritation in her voice...valid). I gave her my ridiculously heavy, but new vacuum to lug down my stairs and then back up hers. She asked if I needed it soon? Of course like all idiotic loaners do, I did the whole hand wave non complacent, slight giddy eye squint, head tilted slightly back and to the left "don't worry about it, use it as long as you need" gesture, my floors unfortunately at that very moment could have used a good run over with my good ole' friend Mr. Vacuum. She said she would return it the next morning. That was reasonable.
Saturday (the next day) - no vacuum return
Sunday - no vacuum return (Avrie has a small pile of dinner leftovers under her chair)
Monday - No vacuum
Tuesday -no vacuum (Avrie is now all set to open up a small restaurant underneath her chair)
Tuesday 8pm, I hear my neighbor leave so I run over to harass her teenage daughter for my
#@!* vacuum back. She nicely complies.
Why did I wait until my neighbor left before I went to ask for it back you ask? Refer to paragraph #1
Get it home. You can imagine my excitement. To hear all the dirt, food, crumbs, cat hair (did I mention we are cat sitting a cat), paper and all the other miscellaneous items left on my floor. The sound that makes, and then to go back over it again and hear the final filth going up...ahhhh like music to my ears.
BAM, BOOM, SMACK, JAB...go to use the hand held accessory, does not work AT ALL!! I took the vacuum completely apart...numerous times. I cant figure it out. So, now I have to take it to a repair place, they are going to charge me a butt load to fix it. Why am I paying for this and not my neighbor?
All because I cant remember her stupid name.