Shhhhhhh.....

Secrets, I cant stand them. Secrets use to not bother me so much before I was married. It actually use to be a little fun hearing bits of gossip about people every now and then.
But now, because of my in laws I feel like my life is surrounded by secrets. Secrets about boyfriends, secrets about health, secrets about vacations and visits, secrets about religion, secrets about our anger, secrets about dinner, secrets about cars, secrets about parties, secrets about phone calls, secrets about our sadness, secrets about our disappointments, secrets about our love...I just cant take it any longer!!!
Ive only been a part of this family for 13 years, I cant believe that they have all lived their whole lives like this. My father in law will be 79 years old this year, and its been this way for 79 years, will be this way until he dies and the sad part of everything, it will continue to be this way after he dies because no one knows how to be any other way.
So, here I am, on my blog, blabbing all of our family secrets. You will probably read this and think we are the most idiotic, petty and childish family you have ever known...and I completely agree. The only reason I stick around is I have somehow, been coaxed into loving this big bunch of freaks.
-My FIL lost a ton of blood a couple years ago after getting pallups removed, he was hospitalized twice. He doesn't want anyone in Spain to know about this (especially his brother Alfredo who suffered from the same thing, they haven't spoken in 20 years, they can barely remember why)
-My MIL is hesitant to go on their upcoming trip to Spain because she is embarrassed and mortified to be around her sister Ana Mari because my FIL publicly insulted her husband. My MIL wont tell my FIL why she doesn't want to go and he's an idiot if he cant figure it out.
-My in laws trip to Spain was delayed because my FIL was getting tests done on a hernia he has recently developed (the hernia is a secret also, he doesn't want anyone to know) and he had some tests done on his heart since he has been having pain for the past 60 years (yes you are right, the pain as well as the heart tests...both secrets) My brother in law actually said to Steve, "Dad is having some medical tests being done but we aren't allowed to tell you anything"
-My BIL is visiting us in August for 10 days, apparently that was a secret, I spilled the beans. I'm actually usually the one to spill the beans, it just happens to work out that way.
-My BIL is planning a trip to Spain in December to visit family and to meet our black sheep sister Vicky and our Grey sheep Lisa there. Neither MIL nor FIL know. I'm not sure who else doesn't know.
-My MIL thinks Steve and I took Marriage Prep classes through the Catholic church before we married, we didn't, Steve just told her we did. I think this secret is stupid since we didn't get married in a Catholic church, but Steve feels it is necessary to uphold this one.
-Steve and I lived together for a year before we married. Steve actually cleaned out every article of mine from the closet just so his mom could come over to our apartment. He then forced her to look at our tiny walk-in closet before she could leave our house. I was never a part of this secret, I answered questions honestly, sometimes a little skewed but never a blatant lie. Good thing they never straight out asked if we lived together. Would Steve have been disowned?
-My MIL goes to church 4 days a week, once on Sunday, then once for Steve, once for Vicky and once for Lisa. She doesn't want them to know.

What have secrets accomplished in this family? My FIL doesn't speak to 1/2 his siblings although they almost all live in the same little town in Spain. My SIL and FIL haven't spoken in 12 years. My MIL is miserable because she can never tell my FIL how she really feels about every aspect of their lives. I will always remember the secrets that were kept from me. I wont hold a grudge but that doesn't make them disappear. The reality of the secret is still there, but I have moved on, let it roll off my shoulder, forgive and forget. Is it possible to teach someone how to do this or do you really have to believe in it? I think you have to believe in it. Nothing works without faith.

And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street

You know you are in Tempe when in the same 1 mile drive home..

-2 Homeless men are being coaxed out of a front lawn with a sandwich.

-The local crazy man (we call him the hat man), is directing traffic with a sign saying something about the Easter bunny, wearing a lamp shade on his head, (you see why we call him the hat man?).

-A city bus runs a solid red light without slowing down.

-a chain gang wearing black/white stripes were clearing a vacant lot.

-an old lady was walking her cat on a leash in 110 degree heat.

I miss living here!!!

List Update

I completed almost all of my previous list. It cost me $21.60 to mail a book to France that I purchased at COSTCO for $6.99. But, my niece and nephew will love it. I'm about to go downstairs and throw diapers into the dryer. Both my kids are asleep, the bathrooms are clean, completely packed except for toiletries, and what am I doing? Sleeping? No that would be ridiculous, I only have to wake up in 4 hours to get ready and be at the airport by 5:00am. No, I'm at the computer. It has some kind of magnetic pull. I try to walk by it without sitting down, I even close the doors to the armoire but I can hear the musical hum behind the closed doors and see the starry glow of the screen saver. I cant help myself, if I come in this room, I just have to sit down and see whats happening online.


We ended up packing all of Avrie's pals in the suitcase. She wanted Elmo and Ernie, but then I got thinking, if she sees them then she is going to ask for Grover and then Big Bird, and lets not forget Num-Num (Cookie Monster), so we packed them all. These guys have already been to Hawaii, now its time for a little trip to Arizona. Maybe next summer we'll take them to the East Coast.
I spent about 40 minutes this evening looking for Cailin's horse. It would have been the end of the world in her little 5 year old mind if horse was left at home. I ended up finding him in her bed, the same bed I had already checked 4 previous times. Sometimes I think there is a little bit of truth to Toy Story, toys moving around and such. It much more comforting to think that than the fact that I might just be a little insane and batty.
Okay, gotta go switch laundry and pack snacks.

To Do List

AM -
return library books
Post office - Drawings to Aunt Vicky, puzzle to France, check for candle lady
wash diapers

NOON-
Cailin-school
Target - Monster's Inc, Cailin underwear
return shovels and rakes to Ruth

AVRIE NAP-
plan Primary music lessons
write out word strips for new song
clean bathrooms

4:30-
Cailin home
take lesson plans to substitute
vacuum

PM-
hair cut
laundry
finish packing
email
arrange for mail pick up

Actually, considering I'm leaving on a 2 week trip tomorrow morning, my To Do list is not very big at all. I'm a list maker, its an inherent trait I got from my mom. Growing up and even now still today if you go to her house you will find several 8x10 sheets of paper with lists of everything for the day written in thick black sharpie. I'm not sure if its more for her, my dad or the random people that walk through their house that need to know that today is the day a stool sample needs to be collected from their 16 year old dog. Either way, lists work. People do them differently. I'm all about the pen and paper. My husband Steve loves his PDA. He even makes short 3 item lists for a grocery trip run on his PDA, along with illustrations and snapshots of the item. (I still get a minimum of 2 phone calls every time he is at the grocery store, I don't if he knows but there are people who work there, and are capable of answering questions).
Okay, my kids are awake, so as you can see from our list we need to get going.

My emotionally distraught 5 year old

Poor Cailin. She has been so emotional this past week. For those of you who knew the 3-4 year old Cailin, she has completely reverted back this past week. This morning she had an agonizing meltdown about turning off the church lights in the gym after my exercise class. She thought it should be her turn again when in fact it was Jason's turn. She couldn't control herself, it was crazy to watch my normally calm 5 year old act so insane . My friend, Ruth pointed out this is exactly how she behaved right before our last trip to Arizona in December. Bizarre. So, I talked to a few people, trying to get different take on the emotional situation, but really its pretty obvious. She has so many emotions surging through her little body right now and she just cant sort them out. She is beyond excited to go visit all of her cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents. She can hardly contain her anticipation. But, its bitter sweet to her because she knows she is going to have to leave to come back home to Seattle. When I talked to her about these feelings she said that she wants both situations. She wants her cousins in AZ, but she doesn't want the heat of AZ, she wants the beaches of Seattle, she wants her friends in Seattle. Then she just broke into sobs. Poor thing, I wish I could take all these emotions away from her. She concluded that she wants to live in Seattle and she wants all of her extended family to move here also. Amen to that!
She'll be fine, kids are resilient. Once she sees everyone she'll forget its only a 2 week trip and once she gets home to 80 degree Seattle, the beaches and parks she'll remember why we don't like the Arizona desert in the summertime.
Completely off subject but my friend's husband is graduating this month, he is going to officially be a Naturopathic Doctor. What is an appropriate graduation gift? Suggestions would be welcome.

blah blah blah blah

In about 34 hours my munchkins and I will be flying to Arizona, leaving our beautiful Pacific NW weather for hot! My girls are going to die. Every time we get in the car now (its only 64 degrees) all I hear is "hot hot hot hot hot" until I roll down her (Avrie) window. But its all going to be worth it. I get to see 3 new babies, Tyler (2mos), Christopher and Riley (3 weeks)! My whole reason for braving the Arizona summer heat.
Why is it that there is absolutely no way to get Avrie to sleep for a nap during the day, nursing...no! driving across town...no! threats...no! ignoring...no! But let me tell you, come 5pm and her Majesty is finally ready to be lulled to sleep, I don't think so. So, now I have to somehow deal with a cranky 2 year old for another 2 1/2 hours until I can safely put her to sleep. Grrrr!
Tomorrow is Cailin's last day of preschool, she actually has 2 more weeks but since we will be gone, tomorrow is her last. They had another week tacked on because of snow days, crazy wind storms, power outages, you know normal NW weather stuff. She's downstairs right now making a card for one of her teacher Helen. Just a minute ago she comes trotting up the stairs to ask how to spell Helen Keller (her school next year), I gladly spelled it for her but now I wonder if she thinks her teacher Helen is somehow linked to her school Helen Keller. Hmmm, oh well, she's a preschool teacher, she'll get it. Avrie is sitting next to me folding all of the drawings she just made into crazy little lengths and squares of paper, every once in a while she blurts out "mommy, eat" or "mommy nani", I ignore her commentary.
Today was such a boring day, I have absolutely nothing to tell you about. I worked out, took Cailin to school, did a little shopping, came home, did laundry, packed, entertained Avrie, watched Oprah. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......Steve wont be home till late, he has a final tonight, then he usually goes out with friends afterwards. Maybe I can convince him to take tomorrow off, call in sick? Hmmmm, I'll try.
Okay, better go find out if the markers stayed on the table, and if my kids actually need to eat dinner of if they are okay with just fruit and cereal. Lets all cross our fingers for the latter because that's what I'm in the mood for. Bye

Willy the Sperm

I take my girls to the library often. Now that the weather is nice and we are going to the Wednesday outdoor market which just happens to be right next to the library this is now a weekly event. The typical routine once we enter the library, Avrie starts ripping books off shelves for me to read and Cailin heads right for the computer. While I read book after book to Avrie (usually something foreign, she always manages to find those, I love blubbering my way through German as Avrie calmly sits and listens to every word I say), Cailin plays computer games, then every single week, I'm telling you, every single week I lose track of time, I force Cailin to quickly gather some books together to check out and we head home through rush hour traffic. I never look at the books she chooses, they are all from the kids section, how bad could it be? That night we pull out a few of the books she brought home, I turn to the first page...

Okay, I think to myself, I should just continue reading, don't make a big deal out of it, then she wont. Up until this point Cailin knew a baby was made when a sperm and and egg join together. The sperm are in daddy the egg is in mommy. She asked "how does the sperm get to the egg?" Daddy put it there. I thought that was sufficient and she was completely satisfied with that explanation. More than a lot of kids know at 5. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being open and honest, answering all her questions. She already knows how babies are born, she was at her sisters birth when she was 3, so our family by no means is prudish. But, this just threw me off a little at 9:00 at night. Usually the book I'm reading, any book they pick is about some type of forest or woodland animal looking for something they've lost, a friend, a mommy, a daddy, a toy, food, not a sperm looking for a good time.
Next page..
So, this site is not uploading my pictures at least not in the inpatient timely manner I want them to upload. So, anyways, the book continues to show a drawing of a naked Mr. Browne with an arrow pointing to where the sperm live. Cailin giggled. That's okay, I still giggle at a man's naked body, she'll be giggling for the rest of her life. With all the goods covered up they can be very sexy, the shoulders, the chest, the abs but uncover Mr. Man and it's just horribly awkward and goofy looking. She still laughs at Steve if she catches him getting in or out of the shower. I guess I do also a little inside my head. Inside my head I said (or in the other room) I'm not that mean!
Anyways, Willy the sperm (isnt that strange his name is Willy?) with his trusty maps of the inside of Mr. & Mrs. Browne is able to win the great race and wins the prize of the soft and lovely egg. Oh, and the kicker, for some reason this book is dedicated to Rod Stewart, bizarre.
So, from now on I'll glance over her books a little bit before checking them out. I wouldn't want her to accidentally bring home something really damaging like a book on creationism or the benefits of homework.
see link (http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm) great author great site!!