Thursday, March 06, 2008

What's in a name?

Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name?
Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name twice?
Don't you hate it when you call someone by the wrong name three times?
Don't you hate it when you write someone a check with the wrong name on it?
Don't you hate it when you write them a second check with the wrong name on it again?
Don't you hate it when you blatantly introduce someone by the wrong name?
Now, wouldn't that suck if this all happened between you and a neighbor you have had for 2 years?
Guess what...it does suck!!!
Let me just reach down, grab my size 10 foot and clumsily shove it into my ridiculously inappropriate and socially awkward mouth.
And yet the story continues...
Continues? There was a story?
Yes, shut up and let me tell it!
So, my neighbor Christine...no Kimberly...no Christine...no Kimberly...lets just call her Eduardo, she came a ringin' on my doorbell to ask to borrow my vacuum cleaner. I then led her upstairs, introduced her with a completely incorrect name to my friend who was visiting. She (the neighbor) corrected me...for the 18th time (with a slight irritation in her voice...valid). I gave her my ridiculously heavy, but new vacuum to lug down my stairs and then back up hers. She asked if I needed it soon? Of course like all idiotic loaners do, I did the whole hand wave non complacent, slight giddy eye squint, head tilted slightly back and to the left "don't worry about it, use it as long as you need" gesture, my floors unfortunately at that very moment could have used a good run over with my good ole' friend Mr. Vacuum. She said she would return it the next morning. That was reasonable.
Saturday (the next day) - no vacuum return
Sunday - no vacuum return (Avrie has a small pile of dinner leftovers under her chair)
Monday - No vacuum
Tuesday -no vacuum (Avrie is now all set to open up a small restaurant underneath her chair)
Tuesday 8pm, I hear my neighbor leave so I run over to harass her teenage daughter for my
#@!* vacuum back. She nicely complies.
Why did I wait until my neighbor left before I went to ask for it back you ask? Refer to paragraph #1
Get it home. You can imagine my excitement. To hear all the dirt, food, crumbs, cat hair (did I mention we are cat sitting a cat), paper and all the other miscellaneous items left on my floor. The sound that makes, and then to go back over it again and hear the final filth going up...ahhhh like music to my ears.
BAM, BOOM, SMACK, JAB...go to use the hand held accessory, does not work AT ALL!! I took the vacuum completely apart...numerous times. I cant figure it out. So, now I have to take it to a repair place, they are going to charge me a butt load to fix it. Why am I paying for this and not my neighbor?
All because I cant remember her stupid name.
KIMBERLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 comments:

LeAnn/hey you/what's your name again? said...

:) :)

Heather said...

eek! I'm squirming for you...

Get a new vacuum, keep the old one as a loaner :)

Helena said...

Why do you think I go by "H" to so many people?! I refuse to be called "Helen" or "Helen-uh" more than twice by the same person.