Sunday, January 29, 2006

Time Flies

The 27th was my brother Mark's birthday. He would have been 36 years old. Crazy! I can't believe he has been gone for almost 11 years.
The 27th was not one of my best days since I have moved here to freezing Washington. First of all it is taking some getting use to Steve having to work a full day on Friday. He has always worked 9 hour days with a 1/2 day on Friday. So, our Fridays lately have seemed very long.
I didn't have a car because it was at the repair shop getting the heat fixed. It was raining in the morning so we really couldn't walk anywhere. So, we did some art projects, watched a movie, Cailin and Avrie played together, I read a book, cleaned the house. But that only took us until about 2pm. So, at that point it didn't seem like it was going to rain any more, so we bundled up and took a walk to the park. It was Antartic cold. A little windy, misty. I had my mittens on Avrie's hands because they were cold. But, we just had to get out, I was going completely loopy.
We get to the deserted park (even the bathrooms are closed for the winter), while Cailin pushed Avrie on the swing I sit down to look through the mail I picked up on the way.
There was a birthday card for Steve from his brother, a bill, Steve's W-2 form and a letter from Steve's mom. I opened it, started to read and just broke down. Right there in the middle of the empty cold park. I couldnt even read what she wrote, her handwriting isnt that great and its in Spanish. But, it didnt matter, I still read it, crying, freezing cold. I was so incredibly lonely yesterday. I know I could pick up the phone and call anyone but that's not what I needed. I wanted someone to come over and talk about completely useless topics while we ignored our kids together in another room. I called my mom, chatted for a few minutes and then we walked home.
Steve actually made it home a little early. I was barely holding it together. Trying so hard to keep the tears in, Steve notices and proceeds to say..."Are you sad because today is Mark's birthday?" Well, up until that point I hadn't realized it was the 27th, his birthday. But that just set me off. "Well, now that's why I'm sad!" Which is funny because his birthday has never really made me sad in the past. But I think because I had had such a crappy day, that was just a little bit too much. I flew upstairs, Steve followed. He is always really good at cheering me up. He knows just what to say, he knows when he has to be serious and at what point he can say something goofy without pissing me off.
I hadn't been able to go grocery shopping because I didn't have a car, so we went to Outback Steakhouse, I ordered a thick juicy bloody steak, and felt much better after that. A satisfying end to a really shitty day.


HLH said...

Oh Jenny- if I were a crier (which you know I'm not) I would be bawling with you! Poor thing, I wish I could hang out and ignore my children with you. I hope the rain stops and the sun starts to shine and perk you up a bit.

I thought of you today while making french toast :)

lv said...

Now, i know this won't make you feel better, but I've been there so many times in the last ten years since I left AZ. The weather here has often put me in that mood, too. I know how I used to not even bother going out of the house on dreary wet days because it's such a hassle getting the kids bundled up and into their carseats..... You will get used to it, though!!! Look at it this way, at least you don't have to deal with the French! :) When I was in Seattle on a short visit , the people seemed like saints in comparison !!!