Willy the Sperm

I take my girls to the library often. Now that the weather is nice and we are going to the Wednesday outdoor market which just happens to be right next to the library this is now a weekly event. The typical routine once we enter the library, Avrie starts ripping books off shelves for me to read and Cailin heads right for the computer. While I read book after book to Avrie (usually something foreign, she always manages to find those, I love blubbering my way through German as Avrie calmly sits and listens to every word I say), Cailin plays computer games, then every single week, I'm telling you, every single week I lose track of time, I force Cailin to quickly gather some books together to check out and we head home through rush hour traffic. I never look at the books she chooses, they are all from the kids section, how bad could it be? That night we pull out a few of the books she brought home, I turn to the first page...

Okay, I think to myself, I should just continue reading, don't make a big deal out of it, then she wont. Up until this point Cailin knew a baby was made when a sperm and and egg join together. The sperm are in daddy the egg is in mommy. She asked "how does the sperm get to the egg?" Daddy put it there. I thought that was sufficient and she was completely satisfied with that explanation. More than a lot of kids know at 5. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being open and honest, answering all her questions. She already knows how babies are born, she was at her sisters birth when she was 3, so our family by no means is prudish. But, this just threw me off a little at 9:00 at night. Usually the book I'm reading, any book they pick is about some type of forest or woodland animal looking for something they've lost, a friend, a mommy, a daddy, a toy, food, not a sperm looking for a good time.
Next page..
So, this site is not uploading my pictures at least not in the inpatient timely manner I want them to upload. So, anyways, the book continues to show a drawing of a naked Mr. Browne with an arrow pointing to where the sperm live. Cailin giggled. That's okay, I still giggle at a man's naked body, she'll be giggling for the rest of her life. With all the goods covered up they can be very sexy, the shoulders, the chest, the abs but uncover Mr. Man and it's just horribly awkward and goofy looking. She still laughs at Steve if she catches him getting in or out of the shower. I guess I do also a little inside my head. Inside my head I said (or in the other room) I'm not that mean!
Anyways, Willy the sperm (isnt that strange his name is Willy?) with his trusty maps of the inside of Mr. & Mrs. Browne is able to win the great race and wins the prize of the soft and lovely egg. Oh, and the kicker, for some reason this book is dedicated to Rod Stewart, bizarre.
So, from now on I'll glance over her books a little bit before checking them out. I wouldn't want her to accidentally bring home something really damaging like a book on creationism or the benefits of homework.
see link (http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm) great author great site!!

Sleep deprived, overslept or just plain wacko?

I think there is something wrong with, I mean medically, physically wrong with me. Do I have some type of metabolism problem? I use to have no problem going to bed at 2am every single morning. I mean every single morning. Wake up at 8:30am, feeling pretty refreshed, I probably could have slept longer but it didn't feel completely necessary and actually a little like a slight waste of time in my book, which falls under my general feeling about sleep overall. I don't understand naps, hate them, am irritated by people who take them, want others to hate naps, my 2 year rarely takes a nap, I am the nap Nazi. (Unfortunately, I'm married to a siesta takin' Spaniard...lucky me!)
But lately, I mean the last couple months I'm feeling knocked out (NOT knocked up...shoot me now) by 11:30pm, Midnight at the latest. Before, in my previous minimum sleep Eden I use to force myself to fall asleep at 2am, I had given myself that limit, saying anything beyond that was ridiculous, I would forgo that rule with a smokin' crossword, a project of some kind or the very end of a book (it doesn't even have to be a good one, just the end), I'm obvious not very committed to my set goals. There have been a few times lately 4am, 3am, but those were as a result of a girls night out with my friends. Have I just never caught myself up from those nights? But then on the flip side, there was one night I happened to fall asleep nursing Avrie at 9:30pm, almost the middle of the afternoon, crazy, I know, I woke up at 3:30am, after what felt like a solid nights sleep. I couldn't get myself back to sleep, it was way too early to wake up, I didn't know what to do with myself, I drank a ton of water, had sex (with my husband), did a crossword and then forced myself to sleep at 6am for 2 more hours.
Ugh, its driving me crazy!!! I WANT MY OLD SLEEP SCHEDULE BACK!! My house was cleaner (in the morning), things were ready for the next day, I blogged more, projects were completed, kitchen was cleaner.
HELP ME!!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Okay friends, family, acquaintances, complete strangers. I'm back. Ive been gone for a while. Inspiration for a short time left me, but I'm finally back.
So, for the past few weeks my husband has made sometimes casual sometimes pointed comments about the graying in my hair. I'm only 31 years old and I have obvious gray hairs. He suggests to me that it may be time to get my hair done again because my last coloring has faded and I probably have more gray hairs. And of course none of them are caused by anything he does. Anyways, I made the appointment, I needed new shampoo and conditioner anyways, and I had a day free to go. I wanted to go a little darker this time but didn't know if I should do an all over color or highlights again. I pointed out I was a little disappointed I could still see a lot of the gray after my last highlights. So, she consulted with another stylist, talking another language about using a #4 and #520 with a copper with a little #11 in it. I have no idea what they are talking about but I know it will look good. Turns out it looks fabulous, but apparently I got an all over and highlights with the price tag along with it. Yikes!!! $115, with a $20 tip plus my shampoo and conditioner $50 = $185!!!! But at that point I can't say oh, no thank you that's a little pricey for me lets just go wash it out, I can't send back the shampoo because any other shampoo with make it fade and ruin what I just had done, plus, I still would have had to buy shampoo and conditioner. Should I put it on the credit card? No, Steve will get upset at that also. Dilemma, of course I pay with my Debit, then I have to tell Steve who in turn makes me feel horribly guilty even though he thinks it looks great and I had estimated the day before to him that I thought it would be around $130, I was only $65 off!!! Ugh!!!
So, to just put icing on my horribly expensive cake of a day, I walk out to my car and my passenger window is smashed in. Wow, this sounds vaguely familiar you say? It should because I am notorious for getting my car broken into, its just what I like to think makes me special. Ive decided to find it a charming character flaw of mine. Anyways, nothing stolen, there was nothing to steal, the car seats were in another car, 2 $3 kites in the trunk, a 1992 factory radio with no CD player, kid snacks in the middle console, our church bag in the back seat filled with sticker books, crayons and kids books. Again...UGH!!!
I'm now going to go downstairs and somehow figure out what Steve wants to eat for dinner while at the same time not talking to him and giving him the cold shoulder. It should be fun!!
PS. People here still drive slow

I love being early to movies

Tonight was suppose to be a girls night out with all my girlfriends. Steve likes to call them girls gone wild nights. I know he would be extremely disappointed to know what really goes on. Not exactly what his mind allows him to imagine. The last one we planned happened to be the very night after the big power outage in December. The question temporarily ran across each of our minds that night, "Would it be really horrible to leave my family in the freezing cold and pitch black with no real food to eat, to go and hang out with my girlfriends?" . We all decided to reschedule. Tonight was the night, didn't happen. Certain people were feverish, chilled, vomiting, snotty, coughy...we don't want them around, we love 'em, just don't want to see 'em. We would have just uninvited her nicely, but since it was her house we were going to meet at, we decided it would just be slightly overstepping the threshold of friendship to ask her to stay at her mother's house while we entertained in her kidless, husbandless living room. So instead, my friend and I went to the movies. We decided to see "I Told You So", with Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Gabriel Macht. Steve would never want to see that and since its only rated PG-13 it passes my friend's moral legislature, so it's a go. We checked the time beforehand, 9:25pm. (do you kind of see where this story is going?). We rush to the theatre, we are barely going to make it on time. Turns out the movie doesn't even start until 9:45pm, damn Vandango!!! But yes, we are early, we wait in the longer concession line, give ourselves a little extra time to chat about condoms and where we buy them, the fun studded condoms and the mysterious reason there is a purchase on my debit card from a place called "Finger Toys", a place I've never been. Anyways, we get to the theatre, sit down wherever we damn well please because we are the only ones there since we are so early, chat away since we have time, watch some trailer commercials. Spiderman III is coming out, I've never even seen the entire Spiderman II. Finally 2 other couples show up. I question my friend's reasons for not seeing a historically violent rated R film. The Bible is WAYYYY more gruesome than the movie we were discussing, she said she had a theory (excuse) and would tell me when we had more time, I'll fill you in later when I find out.
Finally the movie is about to start, the lights dim. Then Judi Dench pops on the screen. Hmmmm, I didn't think she was in this film, wow, she's been making a lot of movies lately, she must be really busy. Then they start listing others in the film. Cate Blanchett, I thought she had another movie that just came out, wow, 2 films at once, impressive. Bill Nighy. Okay, what is going on here. "Notes On a Scandal". I lean over, what did that say? Is this a preview? HOLY SHIT!!! We are completely in the wrong theatre. No wonder the movie was a bit late starting, it wasn't even our movie!!!! We grab our popcorn and water and candy and purses and jackets and run out of the theatre. I wonder what the other 2 couples were thinking, especially considering we were in there Lonnng before either of them were. We dash across the hall into the correct movie....PACKED!!! We end up sitting 2nd row back, slouched in our seats, necks overextended, thank goodness it had just started. So much for being early. That's just my life, no big deal, things like this happen to me all the time, it's the only life I know. It keeps things interesting.

The past 2 months

It's been too long since I wrote a real blog. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the useless information I need, I must, I have to share with you. So I think I'm going to briefly tell a little of everything and then get into details, if necessary, in my future blogs.

BLACK OUT / POWER OUTAGE - So, in mid December we had an enormous storm that just wailed on us, 70+ mph winds, rain, hail. It was lovely. But the best part, we lost power, over 1.5 million people lost power. So, what do I do the next morning? I go shopping at Target, of course. What else would a sane person do when all the stores are running on generators and the entire city of Seattle is in chaos. Go Christmas shopping, there was hardly anyone there...idiots! We lost power on Thursday, but we had the ultimate preparedness plan (the Mormon church never talks about this) we had plane tickets out of that hell hole on Saturday, leaving all my poor, freezing, cold soup eating friends behind. They didnt get power back until the following Wednesday!!! Glad we missed the bulk of it, but happy to say, Steve is now a firm believer in food storage. (remind me to write about the infamous Pfeffernusse cookies later)

ARIZONA TRIP - Yeah, we were out of freezing Seattle and in warm Arizona for the Christmas holidays. Arizona warm? I DONT THINK SO!! It was freezing!! Rain, cold, wind, yuck. Only a handful of semi-warm, sun decided to show its face of betrayal days. So sad, so disappointed, my shorts and flip flops just sat in the bottom of my suitcase, untouched, banished, spat upon. Okay a little dramatic, but we were disappointed. We stayed at my in laws house. I lived like a queen. Sheets changed weekly, Laundry washed and folded daily (she even mended a couple of things), 3 meals a day provided, free babysitting. Ahhhh, the life of luxury!! Although there were a few times that on my way out with the intention of meeting someone for dinner or lunch I noticed that my inlaws had prepared a nice meal for me, so obligated I felt to sit down and partake. Then I would slip off for my rendevoir with another plate of food within the hour. I'm sure I gained weight.

CHICKDUCK - On the news today they had video of a rooster with duck feet. Full on bright orange webbed duck feet with a fat rooster sitting right on top of them. The scientists say it's impossible for chickens and ducks to mate and they are passing it off as a deformation on the roosters part. Although my sister sees their neigbor's duck mounting the chickens all the time. Maybe it's a little secret the ducks don't want to let out of the bag.

VACCINES - So, as if our children dont have enough chemicals pumped into their bodies, voluntarilty or not, now they are changing the 5 in 1 vaccine to 7 in 1 vaccine!!! ARE THEY INSANE???!!!! Those #*!^ing doctors DO NOT have the best interest of our children in mind, all they have in mind is $$$$$$$$$$$$$ That's right those of you doctor loving readers, your doctor could give a rats ass about you or your kids. I think what bugs the shit out of me the most is the mindlessness of it all. The mindlessness of the vaccine companies, of the doctors. of the nurses, of the insurance companies and of the parents. Everyone is bubbling along without really thinking, just poking kids left and right with no thought about the future or the safety of the kids.
And now even better, they have a vaccine that those of us who have decided to lower the bar for our daughters. For those of us that have chosen to raise our kids with no aspirations. This vaccine is for the daughters of parents who want to settle for bare minimum. For the parents who have already decided that their daughter at the age of a mere 9 years old already has no self worth, and will never rise higher that that. She is destined for a life of promiscuous sex and irresponsibilty. It's a lovely way to say to your preteen daughter, I think you are going to be the school slut and you don't possess the brains to protect yourself. It almost sounds like a Hallmark Card. Oh, for those of you who dont know what I'm talking about, it's the HPV Virus vaccine for girls 9-24 (I think that higher age is correct) it's a sexually transmitted disease which could cause cervical cancer. I love the world we have become.

Okay, this blog is getting long, so stay tuned for "Getting stuck on an icy road" , "Fruit with Fizz" "New Car", "Steve's birthday" "New Glasses" "Good deal Ann Taylor dress" "Holiday party" and "My invitation to Portland"

I'm sleepy, I'm going to go to bed. Cailin is sleeping with me tonight. I don't think she realizes it yet. She fell asleep on the couch and I put her in my bed since Steve's gone. I like cuddling with her, we don't get to do this very often.

Almost, but no cigar

Okay, I was going to write a blog about how Im back and Im sorry my break from writing was so long.
Both my kids were playing quietly, I sat down, turned on Oprah and was ready to write.
But now Avrie, my almost 2 year old is screaming at me like a Howler Monkey and has a mysterious glob of blue something hanging off the end of her protruding tongue. So, I will have to continue this another time. Probably around 2:00am when all 3 of my kids are sleeping. Oops, I mean my 2 kids and husband.
Talk to you later!

Always our babies

My 4 year old, Cailin, has a loft bed. So when she falls asleep other places other than her bed, which happens almost every night, we have to lift her up into bed. It's about at my shoulder height so it is much easier for Steve to do than myself, but I can get it accomplished if I need to. I kind of just roll her out of my arms over the rail and into the bed. Steve, however, turns her face down to lay her down, and she always grabs onto his arms and doesnt want to let go, which he complains about but secretly loves.

So I said to him,
"I just lay her on her back its easier to just roll her into bed. "

His response...
"Yeah, but she sleeps so much better if I lay her on her tummy."

We will always look at them as babies no matter how old they get.