Does this make my mother slightly more hip than I?

I had to use the manual to operate my mother's washing machine tonight. It took me 5 minutes to just figure out where to put the detergent. Then another 5 to 10 minutes figuring out where to turn it on (which actually means, how do I get all the digital readings to glow?), then another 10 minutes figuring out cycles and rinses and everything else. But then when I finally went to actually begin the cycle. It wouldn't work. So, I refer to my 4 inch thick manual. 10 more minutes of reading and I figure out it's because I didnt press the second start button soon enough after making all of my various selections, so I had to start all over again. All this just so I can have a clean pair of jeans to wear to a stupid high school band reunion that I desperately do not want to attend but am being dragged to kicking and screaming by my lovely (and slightly nerdy) sister in law whom I love dearly. Ugh and @#!*

I dont even notice it anymore

Rain rain go away
Come again another day

Self Service

Self Service sucks!
Too many places are going self service, they must think this is a luxury to people. Maybe to some people it is, for whatever reason. Maybe they don't like having to talk to another human being. Maybe they have control issues. Maybe they like the shorter lines in the self serve aisles. Maybe they like the challenge of keeping 2 kids out of the paths of oncoming carts while trying to balance all of your already scanned items on the tiny little platform they provide while scanning and rescanning fast enough so the machine doesn't keep beeping at you while rummaging through the already scanned items to try to figure out what your 2 year old just threw in there and not being able to find it hoping that the alarms don't go off and that God or the local police wont hold you accountable for clepting that mysterious item then loading all of the bags into the shopping cart then suddenly realizing neither of the 2 children which were previously in tow are no longer within sight because Ive been so preoccupied with checking myself out that I have now completely lost them. Maybe some people like this.
My fatherinlaw also hates self service. He is almost 80 years old and ever time he goes to Home Depot an employee there reminds him of the self service checkout. One time the line was so long, they asked him to go to the self service checkout, he told them no thank you as politely as an 80 year grumpy Spaniard can. They then practically insisted he go there, they would show him how to use it. I'm not sure exactly what conversation transpired that day, I'm sure it involved some bulging neck veins, maybe some 4 letter words (English or Spanish) and that young man may or may not still have his job (or life).
I cant stand that I have to pump my own gas. I cant tell you the last time I filled up my car completely with gas. Usually I get about 3/4 of the way there and get bored, cold or irritated by how slow its filling and abort the whole process.
Today I stopped by Lakeshore Learning. I heard their laminating runs $0.29 a foot, great price right? I stop by there quickly with the intention of dropping it off. No can do!!! They offer self laminating. I turn right around and get back in my car. I will tomorrow go to Office Max and pay 5 times that amount and I don't have to do anything myself. For me personally my time is way more valuable than that.
I don't want to print my own pictures at Walgreens, I don't want to check myself out at the grocery store or Walmart or Costco or Home Depot, I don't want to wash my own car, I don't want to Laminate things myself, I don't want to pump my own gas, I don't want to check out my own library books (I do this because Cailin loves to do it, but I don't like it), I don't want to print my own postage for my packages or measure my packages or figure out if the label will fit, I don't want to print out my own boarding passes at the airport and I absolutely loathe buffets.
Am I the only out there that is fine paying higher prices for service, that loves just standing there doing nothing while an employee does their job and checks me out, that loves a waiter to bring my food to me instead of wandering around like an idiot while my kids say no to all the waxy looking bacteria ridden community shared vats of slightly consumable items?
I don't know, call me lazy, called me old fashioned, call me a completely reasonable consumer. But whatever I am, fed up with all this bull!*#@ is definitely what I am!!!!!! and AMEN

Wendys late night

I was sitting in the Wendys parking lot this evening...okay it was probably actually considered night...7:30pm. I was getting ready to go inside and get some last minute dinner for my family, but I had to make a quick phone call to my sister to tell her a story, and then my husband called. But during those phone conversations, probably a total of 10 minutes, I had 3 separate Wendys employees come up to my car window and try to give me a bag of food. What was going on in there? Strangeness!!!

And you are an idiot because????.......

It seems lately that my posts have been filled with conversations. But I just seemed to be involved in really idiotic dialogue lately. Here is one from this morning...
First of all I need to say, I called much earlier than 9am, but the message said that appointments could not be cancelled over the phone (I think they meant via message) and to call back during business hours, which begin at 9am, my appt is at 9am today (Monday). Now that you have the background.

Dentist: Kirkland Dental
Me: I need to cancel my appointment for today.
Dentist: When is your appointment?
Me: Right now, 9 o'clock, my daughter woke up very sick this morning, and she is staying home from school and I cant very well send her to a babysitter sick.
Dentist: Would you like to come in today at 2pm?
Me: Like I said before, my kids are sick, and there still is the babysitting issue.
Dentist: How about tomorrow morning?
Me: Actually, my future prediction skills are a little off today, I'm not sure if my daughter will actually be better by tomorrow morning.
Dentist: Would you like to make an appointment for tomorrow at 3:00?
Me: The actual issue is that my husband has a job that he works at during the daytime, and my kids are sick, and I don't really feel comfortable leaving them at a babysitter sick.
Dentist: (with a slight irritation to her voice) Then would you just like to call me to make a new appointment?
Me: Yes, that would probably be the best plan
Dentist: In the future we would prefer your appointments to be cancelled no less than 48 hours in advance
Me: I understand that, but to be completely honest, that policy doesn't really seem to work on a Monday morning with unexpected sick children thrown into the equation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are closed on Saturday?
Dentist: Yes ma'am
Me: And you are closed on Sunday?
Dentist: Yes ma'am
Me: You see my issue here? If only my 5 year old could have had the courtesy to let me know on Friday afternoon that she planned on being horribly sick on Monday morning, the nerve of her. You don't worry, the punishment will be harsh and unforgiving. To mess with the inner schedulings of a Dentist office. What was she thinking??
Dentist: I understand...(slight hesitation), 48 hours is our policy. Thank you ma'am.

click, dial tone.........

Okay, is it just me??

My quest for ethical perfection

Who knew my ethics would be questioned during a lunch date with my girls at the Olive Garden?
My ethical wielding waiter and I engaged in some twilight zone worthy dialogue the other day. Here is our conversation...

Me: I would like the soup and salad and then I would like to split a kids meal between my girls, shell pasta with Alfredo sauce.
Waiter:I cant split that
Me: Okay, then can you just bring an extra bowl and Ill split it?
Waiter: Well, its just not right.
Me: Whats not right?
Waiter: You cant just split a meal, (again) its just not right.
Me: Sure I can, we come in here often and order the exact same thing. Its not an all you can eat pasta bowl.
Waiter: Of course not.
Me: I'm not sure what exactly is not right
Waiter: Well, you cant have a big group of people come in and order just one meal to split.
Me: Actually, yes you can. I could invite 200 of my closest friends and order one bowl of soup if that's what I want to do.
Waiter: Its just not right (again with that)
Me: Well, what about appetizers, you order 1 appetizer for an entire table of people.
Waiter: But that's an appetizer.
Me: Okay then, I would like 1 kids meal appetizer, shell pasta with Alfredo sauce.
Waiter: Well, Ill do it for you, but I just don't think its right.
Me: I'm still really confused as to what I'm ethically doing wrong.
Waiter: Ill do it for you, Ill let you split it.
Me: Its not a matter of letter me do anything. I could order this pasta and then throw it away if I wanted to. Its my complete choice what I want to actually do with the food I am paying for.
Waiter: Ma am, Ill put your order in.

For a slight millisecond I actually started to second guess myself. Only because it was one of the strangest most wasted effort of breath conversation Ive had with an adult in a long time.
Normally I would have totally asked for the manager and in the end received my meal free and complimentary appetizers for our next visit. But, it was noon, busy, I had my girls with me. I was in a good mood.
But, for the record, I actually do not appreciate being called a thief by less than minimum wage tip seeking waiter freaks. He acted like he was holding the door for me as I ran from a bank robbery with an armful of marked cash. Or looking the other way as I snuck 12 friends into a movie, or helped me steel pennies from the tin cup toting Salvation Army senior citizen during the holidays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I think he might be the only misinformed waiter out there that actually thinks restaurants make their money per person rather than per meal. So, if I had been there with a friend and she wanted a sip of my soup was he going to chase me down and make a citizen arrest?
I have his name, I'm planning on going back this week during slow hours to chat with the manager and receive my complimentary stuffed mushrooms.
The rest of the meal he was overly nice, he realized my irritation and went a little overboard. But I still never got the sensation that he had an aha moment and realized how wrong he really was. Oh well, I'm still going back and I'm still splitting the kids meal. And if I feel the urge, next time I'm inviting 15 of my dearest friends to split bread sticks and marinara sauce. Ahhh, the joys of fine Italian dining.

Starbucks Wisdom

The Way I See It #280

You can learn a lot more from

listening than you can from talking.

Find someone with whom you

don't agree in the slightest and ask

them to explain themselves at

length. Then take a seat, shut your

mouth, and don't argue back. It's

physically impossible to listen with

your mouth open.

--John Moe

Radio host and author of

Conservative Me

This is the author's opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks.

To read more or respond, go to www.starbucks.com/wayiseeit

I miss you

Right now I'm missing my like-minded friends. Friends who believe in the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law. Friends who I can talk to about the latest Oprah episode about Autism and vaccines and not have to back up my own opinions and thoughts with hard core facts because they have the same opinions and beliefs as me and completely subscribe to the same parenting philosophy as me. I miss my friends who have home births and VBACS and no medical interventions, who view birth as a natural occurrence, one to be loved and enjoyed. I miss sitting around and talking about the amazingness of water birth and listening to similar wonderful birth stories filled with positiveness and no regrets. I miss seeing nursing toddlers, little 2 years olds running around asking for Nani or Nana or Nummies or Mommies or Nursies. I miss it!!
I miss my neurosis of not accepting anything less than perfect for my child's education being completely supported and backed up. I'm tired of having to explain every opinion I have, and when I cant put my thoughts into perfect logical sentences I'm sick of my opinion basically being dismissed instead of attempt at understanding. I'm not one to subscribe to the notion of agreeing to disagree. I still love having dialogue about things. I love the debate. Some people might view that as anger or argument but that's not the case. I cant recall ever arguing with a friend over a difference of opinion. I might be passionate about something but that doesn't necessarily mean I am fighting.
I'm emotionally drained from the past couple weeks. I miss my friends in Arizona. I throw my hands in the air, at least for the time being. I'm done with expressing my opinions (in person, you'll still hear them on my blog). I'm going to try to be that person who sits back and listens and if my opinion is coaxed out of me then I will make it brief. Lets see how long this lasts. I'm voting not too long. But I'm going to try. So, Steve get ready for an earful at the end of the day.
PS. a bit of info about myself, if a blog ever doesn't make sense or there are spelling errors or strange things in it, just know I never re-read my blogs, I type them and then publish. So, what you get is the ramblings from my head, you get what you get.

A bone to pick (edited ending)

Ive got a bone to pick with Mitt Romney (Rep-of course).
As many of you are aware and maybe some others are not, I am LDS (Mormon). Not at all an 'in your face' Mormon. Very private about my religious choices, beliefs and value system. I'm not sure if that's my personality or what, hmmmm now that I think about it its not much my personality, I am usually very expressive about my opinions but maybe because I value other peoples choices to choose something so intimate and life changing. I'm definitely not one of those out to convert the world. I'm not even out to convert my husband. I'm happy where he is, I'm happy where I am, and we get along just fine, better than fine. We agree on some things, God, charity, agency, Sacrament, the suspiciousness of Noah and the Ark (and other Bible stories) "they'll put anything in that book" (Jose Vergara quote), we disagree on others, Modern day revelation, temples, tithing, etc. But it works for us.
Anyways, I veered a little.
So, another little fact about myself, I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding. There are only a slight percentage of reasons in my book why someone shouldn't be able to breastfeed (I wont list them), but that's not to say that I don't completely respect a woman's choice to not breastfeed, I just don't understand it. I nursed Cailin until she was almost 3 and Avrie 2.5 is still nursing. I love it, its great for flying, an amazing bond (Cailin still remembers nursing, I hope she never loses that) One more fact about myself, I birthed both my girls at home with a midwife, surrounded by sisters and mom, and of course hubbie. So, in my mind I had it easy. This is about women who hospital birth who have to fight the system, resist the temptations and stand up for themselves and their families over and over and over again. (can you tell I don't have much respect for the medical community?)
Ok, so here is goes...
Mitt Romney, as governor of MA pressured his states Public Health Council to rescind a ban of free formula given by hospitals to new mothers and paid for by formula companies. Does everyone understand the complexity to this decision?
By not allowing formula samples in hospitals we are finally raising the bar for women in our society. No, I'm sorry, it is not OK to not even try to breastfeed your baby. It is not OK to give up just because it feels funny. You are obligated to try 110% to provide everything you can for your child, and if you don't want to, if its inconvenient, then don't have babies. By providing formula samples in the hospital we are first choosing to ignore the guidelines we supposedly subscribe to set by WHO (The World Health Organization) and we are giving women an easy out, when it gets a little trying in the beginning, 2am and your baby is screaming and wont latch on. Instead of working through it knowing it will get better. You grab that free sample lovingly (maliciously) given to you by the formula company. One thing leads to another 3 weeks later your milk has dried up your baby wont latch on anymore and you are walking around telling everyone you had a low milk supply "My body just wouldn't make enough" Oh, boo hoo and bull sh**!!
Background: In 2005 MA became the 1st state to prohibit formula sample bags in hospitals. Supported by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the Center for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC).
Fortunately the Public Health Council in MA resisted his pressure and kept the ban.
Unfortunately he fired and replaced 3 members in the committee (I wonder what their vote was?) right before the vote and it passed. That's called playing dirty!
Just a side note...2 weeks later Mitt Romney announced a deal with Bristol Myers (largest formula company in the world) to build a $66 million pharmaceutical plant in...where?... Devens Massachusetts!!! Coincidence????? I THINK NOT!!!!!
How much do I hate formula companies? More than I can even verbalize. It ignites a bonfire within me that makes it necessary for me to breath into a paper bag. That's not to say that I don't think there is a time and place for formula. On the contrary, I think in the proper time and place formula can be a life saving manna. It is a spectacular invention. But it should definitely be the exception not the norm.
Lets not even go into Nestle taking their formula into remote villages in South Africa, getting children and mothers addicted, then leaving them with no clean sanitized water, no money to pay for the formula and no more breast milk left in their bodies. Nestle is personally responsible for millions of infant deaths in South Africa and other Third World Countries and no one is holding them responsible. Grrrrrrr!!!!! Why? Because big dollar companies are so intertwined in our government, you can't tell where one starts and the other begins. That's why they aren't held responsible. Because the committee set by the government to monitor and regualte formula companies consists mainly of board members from the formula companies. Ok class, can you say 'CONFLICT OF INTEREST'?
link : http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/breastfeeding/formula-profit.html
Okay, so this is for all the Mormons out there who support candidates solely because they are Mormon or call a particular plumber solely because he is Mormon or make assumptions about someone solely because they are Mormon.
In the case of the politicians, generally speaking this is how is goes...if they are Republicans they are probably corrupt, if they are Democrats they are probably corrupt, so if you ask me the worst breed of politicians...are politicians. And that's my 8 cents about that!!!

My little helper

Don't we just love it when our kids have a surprise for us. Especially when that surprise is something helpful? Like a chore that we dread or a chore that they dread.

Every once in a while my "me me me me me me me" 5 year old will do just this.

Like this morning, I wake up to find a sneaky 2 year old nursing and my husband drooling all over my pillow. Cailin comes up to tell me she has a surprise for me and not to come downstairs. Immediately I know what she is doing. She's done this before...she was putting the dishes away for me. She's done this before but for some reason this morning's task was taking her an unusual amount of time. Turns out, she put away the dishes from the dishwasher like I had guessed, only mommy (me) had forgotten to turn on the dishwasher the night before. It was taking her so long because she had to wash every dish before putting it away.
Ugh!!

And the winner is...

I wish I had a prize.
Nasty, stanky, rotten, moldy, oozing, sticky, squishy...
Potatoes!!!!

Mystery smell

For a while now my kitchen pantry has had a funny smell, for actually a couple months. The smell, which has a slight fishy compost smell, has gradually increased in intensity each time I opened the door. So, one day in frustration and with a slight nauseated feeling I took everything out of my pantry and guess what I found????? NOTHING!!
That was a few weeks ago. Today, for a random reason unknown to me, I just happened to remove the lid to my crock pot. Obviously I'm not very addicted to my slow cooker. As the lid was slowly raised from the rim, a smell so hideous, so revolting, I thought for sure a small rodent, no, a large rodent was decomposing inside. Nope, no such luck.
What do you think it was???????

The family ATM

How pathetic is it on a scale from 1-10 to borrow $10 from your 5 year old child at 10 o'clock at night to go buy DQ Blizzards?
Don't be too harsh on your voting, I'm going to pay her back..eventually!

Nightmare

Cailin woke up this morning to relay the story of the horrible nightmare she had just had...

2 Mormon missionaries were chasing her and she was running as fast as she possibly could to get away from them but they wouldn't stop pursuing her. She was so scared and running and running and they wouldn't stop chasing her. They were trying to steal her gold dollars.

My husband Steve has the exact same nightmare all of the time.

The return

I am finally back. After a month of no computer. Of being completely cut off from the world, living in darkness, curtains drawn, holed up in our house, eating only popcorn and V8, I finally return.
We bought a new laptop and Im zooming with wireless from the comfort of my living room floor.
Since its almost 1am and we are going camping in the morning and nothing is packed, Im going to keep this brief. But I did want to let everyone know not to give up on me. So, alert your friends, tell the media, quietly jump up and down for joy (its the middle of night, dont wake anyone up) With all my 12 fingers and toes crossed Im hoping to never be away for that long ever again. I wont be back until Tuesday, we are off camping...again. So, nobody move a muscle, stay exactly where you are, freeze in anticipation. I'll see y'all when we get back. Bye

I want a MAC!!!

I am about 2 seconds away from watching this computer fly through my 2 story window. I'm also pretty close to threatening my husband with purchasing a MAC and saying adios to this piece of crap PC.
It has had a permanent error message for the past 6 months every time the computer is turned on. We do nothing except minimize it and continue on our way. The only thing this error message accomplishes is making me feel like a complete idiot for tolerating it on a daily basis and reminding me that my husband is smart in a lot of areas, accomplished and talented in many things. Computers and cars...these are not his fortes!
Our computer is now as slow as a Seattle driver making a right turn. But only 75% of the time. The other 25% of the time a huge beam of light shines down on me from above allowing me to check my email, blogs, yahoo groups and a couple sites before it starts to rain all over my parade and starts taking 1 million minutes to open up a dumb email.
Just now, as I was attempting to do some research on vacuums, our 13 year old cleaning machine croaked, he had a good life, its time to move on, something more powerful, fancier, safer with all its parts and no duct tape on the cord. I digress...
When I went to type in the URL, the Internet completely shut off, I tried it over and over and over and over and over....then I noticed, if I type the URL v..e..r..y s..l..o..w..l..y then it would work. This is the dumbest problem I have ever encountered on a computer. Then even when I was typing in my password for Blogger, when I typed fast, there goes my Internet. When I typed slow, it worked. Bizarre.
I hate computers (I love them) I hate computers (I love them) I hate computers (I love them)...
To top it off, when I picked up the phone to call my computer savvy brother...my phone instantaneously died!

Nothing like a good ole' fashion PB & J...

and sour cream!!!!

At least she was prepared

Cailin finally decided she was finished with our family and she was moving on. She quietly gathered her essential items, tiptoed up the stairs, gingerly waved goodbye to me and left. She actually got farther than I thought she would and was much braver than I had anticipated. She was holding her emotions intact, she was not overly irate nor sad. That is until I yelled to her..."I hope you find a sweet family with a mom that helps you make cookies every week and reads to you every night." That was the clincher, she broke down in exasperated cries.

She is now home, downstairs watching a movie and eating a Popsicle. I guess she has decided we are not so bad after all. She might be able to tolerate us a little longer, at least until the end of the week.

But, at least she was prepared. I mean, when you are on the run, living on the streets, trying to survive, of course what the #1 item you will need?... golf clubs. If she just got the hankerin' to start putting, she was ready. Actually I don't think she thought she was going to be on the streets too long, earning a living as a coffee grinder monkey or maybe perhaps demonstrating her latest Sprocket style of dancing on the corner of Pike & 4th for pocket change. But in fact, she had packed a cardboard door hanger that she had made, she obviously had thought this out much more carefully than I assumed. She apparently was going somewhere cold, with a door, plenty of food, and a putting green. Sounds luxurious, I'm sure she would have been just fine.

What I dont want to know about the stranger sitting next to me in the pizza parlor...

Her period is almost 2 weeks late...
She has been having sex 2-3 times a day for the past 2 months...
She likes sex on the floor more than the bed...
She has horrible diarrhea...
Her urine smells like corn nuts...
Pepperoni gives her terrible gas...
She has had 3 yeast infections this year already...
She is very itchy and it burns when she pees...
She thinks she has another yeast infection right now...
She doesn't feel well (needs to use the restroom)...
Her period just started...
Everyone is relieved (I guess she wasn't trying to get pregnant)...
Tomorrow her boyfriend (who apparently is wayyyy too serious about college) is returning from a 3 month stay in Peru...

I wonder if her friend will ever ask her to lunch again?
I wish her boyfriend read my blog.

Wake up wake up wake up wake up!!!

Exercising was a 'no go'...went to bed at 2am, woke up at 8:40am. We'll try this again in 2 days. These ladies might just be the downfall of my lean, thin body!

Good morning to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and smell like one too!

Tomorrow, or as I just noticed today (it's past midnight) I am going to rip my sleeping, anticipatingly (is that a word?) grumpy kids out of bed at 7:45am to go work out. For some bizarre reason that has to do with schedules, day wasting and other tedious things such as swim lessons and day camp the women I exercise with have all decided to move our workout from 9:30am to 8am for the summer. I hesitantly agreed because everyone else in our group was so annoyingly joyous over this change. These are probably also the same women who have children that miraculously end up in bed before the hour of 11pm even though the sun is bright as midday, and go to bed sweetly and together with their husbands as the church bell chimes 10pm, able to drift into sweet dreams because their house is clean, dishes are done with no worries in their pretty little heads. Have they not seen me clumsily stumble into the gym exasperated every Tuesday and Thursday 15 minutes late to an already early class in my mind, 9:30am. Do they think the pressure of an hour and a half less of a morning is somehow going to lull me into a deep sleep sometime before 2am or propel me and my 2 night owls out of bed at 7:30am? Hmmmmm, not likely. So, now my workout has been disagreeably cut from 1 hour to 30 minutes because I guarantee I will NEVER be there on time. But in the end it works out because I am now going to have to wash my face, brush my teeth, get dressed and run up and down 2 flights of stairs repeatedly as I forget one thing after the other trying to make it out the door on time, while the entire time one-arming a nursing 2 year old. My workout will end up being quite effective.

Shhhhhhh.....

Secrets, I cant stand them. Secrets use to not bother me so much before I was married. It actually use to be a little fun hearing bits of gossip about people every now and then.
But now, because of my in laws I feel like my life is surrounded by secrets. Secrets about boyfriends, secrets about health, secrets about vacations and visits, secrets about religion, secrets about our anger, secrets about dinner, secrets about cars, secrets about parties, secrets about phone calls, secrets about our sadness, secrets about our disappointments, secrets about our love...I just cant take it any longer!!!
Ive only been a part of this family for 13 years, I cant believe that they have all lived their whole lives like this. My father in law will be 79 years old this year, and its been this way for 79 years, will be this way until he dies and the sad part of everything, it will continue to be this way after he dies because no one knows how to be any other way.
So, here I am, on my blog, blabbing all of our family secrets. You will probably read this and think we are the most idiotic, petty and childish family you have ever known...and I completely agree. The only reason I stick around is I have somehow, been coaxed into loving this big bunch of freaks.
-My FIL lost a ton of blood a couple years ago after getting pallups removed, he was hospitalized twice. He doesn't want anyone in Spain to know about this (especially his brother Alfredo who suffered from the same thing, they haven't spoken in 20 years, they can barely remember why)
-My MIL is hesitant to go on their upcoming trip to Spain because she is embarrassed and mortified to be around her sister Ana Mari because my FIL publicly insulted her husband. My MIL wont tell my FIL why she doesn't want to go and he's an idiot if he cant figure it out.
-My in laws trip to Spain was delayed because my FIL was getting tests done on a hernia he has recently developed (the hernia is a secret also, he doesn't want anyone to know) and he had some tests done on his heart since he has been having pain for the past 60 years (yes you are right, the pain as well as the heart tests...both secrets) My brother in law actually said to Steve, "Dad is having some medical tests being done but we aren't allowed to tell you anything"
-My BIL is visiting us in August for 10 days, apparently that was a secret, I spilled the beans. I'm actually usually the one to spill the beans, it just happens to work out that way.
-My BIL is planning a trip to Spain in December to visit family and to meet our black sheep sister Vicky and our Grey sheep Lisa there. Neither MIL nor FIL know. I'm not sure who else doesn't know.
-My MIL thinks Steve and I took Marriage Prep classes through the Catholic church before we married, we didn't, Steve just told her we did. I think this secret is stupid since we didn't get married in a Catholic church, but Steve feels it is necessary to uphold this one.
-Steve and I lived together for a year before we married. Steve actually cleaned out every article of mine from the closet just so his mom could come over to our apartment. He then forced her to look at our tiny walk-in closet before she could leave our house. I was never a part of this secret, I answered questions honestly, sometimes a little skewed but never a blatant lie. Good thing they never straight out asked if we lived together. Would Steve have been disowned?
-My MIL goes to church 4 days a week, once on Sunday, then once for Steve, once for Vicky and once for Lisa. She doesn't want them to know.

What have secrets accomplished in this family? My FIL doesn't speak to 1/2 his siblings although they almost all live in the same little town in Spain. My SIL and FIL haven't spoken in 12 years. My MIL is miserable because she can never tell my FIL how she really feels about every aspect of their lives. I will always remember the secrets that were kept from me. I wont hold a grudge but that doesn't make them disappear. The reality of the secret is still there, but I have moved on, let it roll off my shoulder, forgive and forget. Is it possible to teach someone how to do this or do you really have to believe in it? I think you have to believe in it. Nothing works without faith.

And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street

You know you are in Tempe when in the same 1 mile drive home..

-2 Homeless men are being coaxed out of a front lawn with a sandwich.

-The local crazy man (we call him the hat man), is directing traffic with a sign saying something about the Easter bunny, wearing a lamp shade on his head, (you see why we call him the hat man?).

-A city bus runs a solid red light without slowing down.

-a chain gang wearing black/white stripes were clearing a vacant lot.

-an old lady was walking her cat on a leash in 110 degree heat.

I miss living here!!!

List Update

I completed almost all of my previous list. It cost me $21.60 to mail a book to France that I purchased at COSTCO for $6.99. But, my niece and nephew will love it. I'm about to go downstairs and throw diapers into the dryer. Both my kids are asleep, the bathrooms are clean, completely packed except for toiletries, and what am I doing? Sleeping? No that would be ridiculous, I only have to wake up in 4 hours to get ready and be at the airport by 5:00am. No, I'm at the computer. It has some kind of magnetic pull. I try to walk by it without sitting down, I even close the doors to the armoire but I can hear the musical hum behind the closed doors and see the starry glow of the screen saver. I cant help myself, if I come in this room, I just have to sit down and see whats happening online.


We ended up packing all of Avrie's pals in the suitcase. She wanted Elmo and Ernie, but then I got thinking, if she sees them then she is going to ask for Grover and then Big Bird, and lets not forget Num-Num (Cookie Monster), so we packed them all. These guys have already been to Hawaii, now its time for a little trip to Arizona. Maybe next summer we'll take them to the East Coast.
I spent about 40 minutes this evening looking for Cailin's horse. It would have been the end of the world in her little 5 year old mind if horse was left at home. I ended up finding him in her bed, the same bed I had already checked 4 previous times. Sometimes I think there is a little bit of truth to Toy Story, toys moving around and such. It much more comforting to think that than the fact that I might just be a little insane and batty.
Okay, gotta go switch laundry and pack snacks.

To Do List

AM -
return library books
Post office - Drawings to Aunt Vicky, puzzle to France, check for candle lady
wash diapers

NOON-
Cailin-school
Target - Monster's Inc, Cailin underwear
return shovels and rakes to Ruth

AVRIE NAP-
plan Primary music lessons
write out word strips for new song
clean bathrooms

4:30-
Cailin home
take lesson plans to substitute
vacuum

PM-
hair cut
laundry
finish packing
email
arrange for mail pick up

Actually, considering I'm leaving on a 2 week trip tomorrow morning, my To Do list is not very big at all. I'm a list maker, its an inherent trait I got from my mom. Growing up and even now still today if you go to her house you will find several 8x10 sheets of paper with lists of everything for the day written in thick black sharpie. I'm not sure if its more for her, my dad or the random people that walk through their house that need to know that today is the day a stool sample needs to be collected from their 16 year old dog. Either way, lists work. People do them differently. I'm all about the pen and paper. My husband Steve loves his PDA. He even makes short 3 item lists for a grocery trip run on his PDA, along with illustrations and snapshots of the item. (I still get a minimum of 2 phone calls every time he is at the grocery store, I don't if he knows but there are people who work there, and are capable of answering questions).
Okay, my kids are awake, so as you can see from our list we need to get going.

My emotionally distraught 5 year old

Poor Cailin. She has been so emotional this past week. For those of you who knew the 3-4 year old Cailin, she has completely reverted back this past week. This morning she had an agonizing meltdown about turning off the church lights in the gym after my exercise class. She thought it should be her turn again when in fact it was Jason's turn. She couldn't control herself, it was crazy to watch my normally calm 5 year old act so insane . My friend, Ruth pointed out this is exactly how she behaved right before our last trip to Arizona in December. Bizarre. So, I talked to a few people, trying to get different take on the emotional situation, but really its pretty obvious. She has so many emotions surging through her little body right now and she just cant sort them out. She is beyond excited to go visit all of her cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents. She can hardly contain her anticipation. But, its bitter sweet to her because she knows she is going to have to leave to come back home to Seattle. When I talked to her about these feelings she said that she wants both situations. She wants her cousins in AZ, but she doesn't want the heat of AZ, she wants the beaches of Seattle, she wants her friends in Seattle. Then she just broke into sobs. Poor thing, I wish I could take all these emotions away from her. She concluded that she wants to live in Seattle and she wants all of her extended family to move here also. Amen to that!
She'll be fine, kids are resilient. Once she sees everyone she'll forget its only a 2 week trip and once she gets home to 80 degree Seattle, the beaches and parks she'll remember why we don't like the Arizona desert in the summertime.
Completely off subject but my friend's husband is graduating this month, he is going to officially be a Naturopathic Doctor. What is an appropriate graduation gift? Suggestions would be welcome.

blah blah blah blah

In about 34 hours my munchkins and I will be flying to Arizona, leaving our beautiful Pacific NW weather for hot! My girls are going to die. Every time we get in the car now (its only 64 degrees) all I hear is "hot hot hot hot hot" until I roll down her (Avrie) window. But its all going to be worth it. I get to see 3 new babies, Tyler (2mos), Christopher and Riley (3 weeks)! My whole reason for braving the Arizona summer heat.
Why is it that there is absolutely no way to get Avrie to sleep for a nap during the day, nursing...no! driving across town...no! threats...no! ignoring...no! But let me tell you, come 5pm and her Majesty is finally ready to be lulled to sleep, I don't think so. So, now I have to somehow deal with a cranky 2 year old for another 2 1/2 hours until I can safely put her to sleep. Grrrr!
Tomorrow is Cailin's last day of preschool, she actually has 2 more weeks but since we will be gone, tomorrow is her last. They had another week tacked on because of snow days, crazy wind storms, power outages, you know normal NW weather stuff. She's downstairs right now making a card for one of her teacher Helen. Just a minute ago she comes trotting up the stairs to ask how to spell Helen Keller (her school next year), I gladly spelled it for her but now I wonder if she thinks her teacher Helen is somehow linked to her school Helen Keller. Hmmm, oh well, she's a preschool teacher, she'll get it. Avrie is sitting next to me folding all of the drawings she just made into crazy little lengths and squares of paper, every once in a while she blurts out "mommy, eat" or "mommy nani", I ignore her commentary.
Today was such a boring day, I have absolutely nothing to tell you about. I worked out, took Cailin to school, did a little shopping, came home, did laundry, packed, entertained Avrie, watched Oprah. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah......Steve wont be home till late, he has a final tonight, then he usually goes out with friends afterwards. Maybe I can convince him to take tomorrow off, call in sick? Hmmmm, I'll try.
Okay, better go find out if the markers stayed on the table, and if my kids actually need to eat dinner of if they are okay with just fruit and cereal. Lets all cross our fingers for the latter because that's what I'm in the mood for. Bye

Willy the Sperm

I take my girls to the library often. Now that the weather is nice and we are going to the Wednesday outdoor market which just happens to be right next to the library this is now a weekly event. The typical routine once we enter the library, Avrie starts ripping books off shelves for me to read and Cailin heads right for the computer. While I read book after book to Avrie (usually something foreign, she always manages to find those, I love blubbering my way through German as Avrie calmly sits and listens to every word I say), Cailin plays computer games, then every single week, I'm telling you, every single week I lose track of time, I force Cailin to quickly gather some books together to check out and we head home through rush hour traffic. I never look at the books she chooses, they are all from the kids section, how bad could it be? That night we pull out a few of the books she brought home, I turn to the first page...

Okay, I think to myself, I should just continue reading, don't make a big deal out of it, then she wont. Up until this point Cailin knew a baby was made when a sperm and and egg join together. The sperm are in daddy the egg is in mommy. She asked "how does the sperm get to the egg?" Daddy put it there. I thought that was sufficient and she was completely satisfied with that explanation. More than a lot of kids know at 5. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being open and honest, answering all her questions. She already knows how babies are born, she was at her sisters birth when she was 3, so our family by no means is prudish. But, this just threw me off a little at 9:00 at night. Usually the book I'm reading, any book they pick is about some type of forest or woodland animal looking for something they've lost, a friend, a mommy, a daddy, a toy, food, not a sperm looking for a good time.
Next page..
So, this site is not uploading my pictures at least not in the inpatient timely manner I want them to upload. So, anyways, the book continues to show a drawing of a naked Mr. Browne with an arrow pointing to where the sperm live. Cailin giggled. That's okay, I still giggle at a man's naked body, she'll be giggling for the rest of her life. With all the goods covered up they can be very sexy, the shoulders, the chest, the abs but uncover Mr. Man and it's just horribly awkward and goofy looking. She still laughs at Steve if she catches him getting in or out of the shower. I guess I do also a little inside my head. Inside my head I said (or in the other room) I'm not that mean!
Anyways, Willy the sperm (isnt that strange his name is Willy?) with his trusty maps of the inside of Mr. & Mrs. Browne is able to win the great race and wins the prize of the soft and lovely egg. Oh, and the kicker, for some reason this book is dedicated to Rod Stewart, bizarre.
So, from now on I'll glance over her books a little bit before checking them out. I wouldn't want her to accidentally bring home something really damaging like a book on creationism or the benefits of homework.
see link (http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm) great author great site!!

Sleep deprived, overslept or just plain wacko?

I think there is something wrong with, I mean medically, physically wrong with me. Do I have some type of metabolism problem? I use to have no problem going to bed at 2am every single morning. I mean every single morning. Wake up at 8:30am, feeling pretty refreshed, I probably could have slept longer but it didn't feel completely necessary and actually a little like a slight waste of time in my book, which falls under my general feeling about sleep overall. I don't understand naps, hate them, am irritated by people who take them, want others to hate naps, my 2 year rarely takes a nap, I am the nap Nazi. (Unfortunately, I'm married to a siesta takin' Spaniard...lucky me!)
But lately, I mean the last couple months I'm feeling knocked out (NOT knocked up...shoot me now) by 11:30pm, Midnight at the latest. Before, in my previous minimum sleep Eden I use to force myself to fall asleep at 2am, I had given myself that limit, saying anything beyond that was ridiculous, I would forgo that rule with a smokin' crossword, a project of some kind or the very end of a book (it doesn't even have to be a good one, just the end), I'm obvious not very committed to my set goals. There have been a few times lately 4am, 3am, but those were as a result of a girls night out with my friends. Have I just never caught myself up from those nights? But then on the flip side, there was one night I happened to fall asleep nursing Avrie at 9:30pm, almost the middle of the afternoon, crazy, I know, I woke up at 3:30am, after what felt like a solid nights sleep. I couldn't get myself back to sleep, it was way too early to wake up, I didn't know what to do with myself, I drank a ton of water, had sex (with my husband), did a crossword and then forced myself to sleep at 6am for 2 more hours.
Ugh, its driving me crazy!!! I WANT MY OLD SLEEP SCHEDULE BACK!! My house was cleaner (in the morning), things were ready for the next day, I blogged more, projects were completed, kitchen was cleaner.
HELP ME!!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Okay friends, family, acquaintances, complete strangers. I'm back. Ive been gone for a while. Inspiration for a short time left me, but I'm finally back.
So, for the past few weeks my husband has made sometimes casual sometimes pointed comments about the graying in my hair. I'm only 31 years old and I have obvious gray hairs. He suggests to me that it may be time to get my hair done again because my last coloring has faded and I probably have more gray hairs. And of course none of them are caused by anything he does. Anyways, I made the appointment, I needed new shampoo and conditioner anyways, and I had a day free to go. I wanted to go a little darker this time but didn't know if I should do an all over color or highlights again. I pointed out I was a little disappointed I could still see a lot of the gray after my last highlights. So, she consulted with another stylist, talking another language about using a #4 and #520 with a copper with a little #11 in it. I have no idea what they are talking about but I know it will look good. Turns out it looks fabulous, but apparently I got an all over and highlights with the price tag along with it. Yikes!!! $115, with a $20 tip plus my shampoo and conditioner $50 = $185!!!! But at that point I can't say oh, no thank you that's a little pricey for me lets just go wash it out, I can't send back the shampoo because any other shampoo with make it fade and ruin what I just had done, plus, I still would have had to buy shampoo and conditioner. Should I put it on the credit card? No, Steve will get upset at that also. Dilemma, of course I pay with my Debit, then I have to tell Steve who in turn makes me feel horribly guilty even though he thinks it looks great and I had estimated the day before to him that I thought it would be around $130, I was only $65 off!!! Ugh!!!
So, to just put icing on my horribly expensive cake of a day, I walk out to my car and my passenger window is smashed in. Wow, this sounds vaguely familiar you say? It should because I am notorious for getting my car broken into, its just what I like to think makes me special. Ive decided to find it a charming character flaw of mine. Anyways, nothing stolen, there was nothing to steal, the car seats were in another car, 2 $3 kites in the trunk, a 1992 factory radio with no CD player, kid snacks in the middle console, our church bag in the back seat filled with sticker books, crayons and kids books. Again...UGH!!!
I'm now going to go downstairs and somehow figure out what Steve wants to eat for dinner while at the same time not talking to him and giving him the cold shoulder. It should be fun!!
PS. People here still drive slow

I love being early to movies

Tonight was suppose to be a girls night out with all my girlfriends. Steve likes to call them girls gone wild nights. I know he would be extremely disappointed to know what really goes on. Not exactly what his mind allows him to imagine. The last one we planned happened to be the very night after the big power outage in December. The question temporarily ran across each of our minds that night, "Would it be really horrible to leave my family in the freezing cold and pitch black with no real food to eat, to go and hang out with my girlfriends?" . We all decided to reschedule. Tonight was the night, didn't happen. Certain people were feverish, chilled, vomiting, snotty, coughy...we don't want them around, we love 'em, just don't want to see 'em. We would have just uninvited her nicely, but since it was her house we were going to meet at, we decided it would just be slightly overstepping the threshold of friendship to ask her to stay at her mother's house while we entertained in her kidless, husbandless living room. So instead, my friend and I went to the movies. We decided to see "I Told You So", with Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Gabriel Macht. Steve would never want to see that and since its only rated PG-13 it passes my friend's moral legislature, so it's a go. We checked the time beforehand, 9:25pm. (do you kind of see where this story is going?). We rush to the theatre, we are barely going to make it on time. Turns out the movie doesn't even start until 9:45pm, damn Vandango!!! But yes, we are early, we wait in the longer concession line, give ourselves a little extra time to chat about condoms and where we buy them, the fun studded condoms and the mysterious reason there is a purchase on my debit card from a place called "Finger Toys", a place I've never been. Anyways, we get to the theatre, sit down wherever we damn well please because we are the only ones there since we are so early, chat away since we have time, watch some trailer commercials. Spiderman III is coming out, I've never even seen the entire Spiderman II. Finally 2 other couples show up. I question my friend's reasons for not seeing a historically violent rated R film. The Bible is WAYYYY more gruesome than the movie we were discussing, she said she had a theory (excuse) and would tell me when we had more time, I'll fill you in later when I find out.
Finally the movie is about to start, the lights dim. Then Judi Dench pops on the screen. Hmmmm, I didn't think she was in this film, wow, she's been making a lot of movies lately, she must be really busy. Then they start listing others in the film. Cate Blanchett, I thought she had another movie that just came out, wow, 2 films at once, impressive. Bill Nighy. Okay, what is going on here. "Notes On a Scandal". I lean over, what did that say? Is this a preview? HOLY SHIT!!! We are completely in the wrong theatre. No wonder the movie was a bit late starting, it wasn't even our movie!!!! We grab our popcorn and water and candy and purses and jackets and run out of the theatre. I wonder what the other 2 couples were thinking, especially considering we were in there Lonnng before either of them were. We dash across the hall into the correct movie....PACKED!!! We end up sitting 2nd row back, slouched in our seats, necks overextended, thank goodness it had just started. So much for being early. That's just my life, no big deal, things like this happen to me all the time, it's the only life I know. It keeps things interesting.

The past 2 months

It's been too long since I wrote a real blog. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the useless information I need, I must, I have to share with you. So I think I'm going to briefly tell a little of everything and then get into details, if necessary, in my future blogs.

BLACK OUT / POWER OUTAGE - So, in mid December we had an enormous storm that just wailed on us, 70+ mph winds, rain, hail. It was lovely. But the best part, we lost power, over 1.5 million people lost power. So, what do I do the next morning? I go shopping at Target, of course. What else would a sane person do when all the stores are running on generators and the entire city of Seattle is in chaos. Go Christmas shopping, there was hardly anyone there...idiots! We lost power on Thursday, but we had the ultimate preparedness plan (the Mormon church never talks about this) we had plane tickets out of that hell hole on Saturday, leaving all my poor, freezing, cold soup eating friends behind. They didnt get power back until the following Wednesday!!! Glad we missed the bulk of it, but happy to say, Steve is now a firm believer in food storage. (remind me to write about the infamous Pfeffernusse cookies later)

ARIZONA TRIP - Yeah, we were out of freezing Seattle and in warm Arizona for the Christmas holidays. Arizona warm? I DONT THINK SO!! It was freezing!! Rain, cold, wind, yuck. Only a handful of semi-warm, sun decided to show its face of betrayal days. So sad, so disappointed, my shorts and flip flops just sat in the bottom of my suitcase, untouched, banished, spat upon. Okay a little dramatic, but we were disappointed. We stayed at my in laws house. I lived like a queen. Sheets changed weekly, Laundry washed and folded daily (she even mended a couple of things), 3 meals a day provided, free babysitting. Ahhhh, the life of luxury!! Although there were a few times that on my way out with the intention of meeting someone for dinner or lunch I noticed that my inlaws had prepared a nice meal for me, so obligated I felt to sit down and partake. Then I would slip off for my rendevoir with another plate of food within the hour. I'm sure I gained weight.

CHICKDUCK - On the news today they had video of a rooster with duck feet. Full on bright orange webbed duck feet with a fat rooster sitting right on top of them. The scientists say it's impossible for chickens and ducks to mate and they are passing it off as a deformation on the roosters part. Although my sister sees their neigbor's duck mounting the chickens all the time. Maybe it's a little secret the ducks don't want to let out of the bag.

VACCINES - So, as if our children dont have enough chemicals pumped into their bodies, voluntarilty or not, now they are changing the 5 in 1 vaccine to 7 in 1 vaccine!!! ARE THEY INSANE???!!!! Those #*!^ing doctors DO NOT have the best interest of our children in mind, all they have in mind is $$$$$$$$$$$$$ That's right those of you doctor loving readers, your doctor could give a rats ass about you or your kids. I think what bugs the shit out of me the most is the mindlessness of it all. The mindlessness of the vaccine companies, of the doctors. of the nurses, of the insurance companies and of the parents. Everyone is bubbling along without really thinking, just poking kids left and right with no thought about the future or the safety of the kids.
And now even better, they have a vaccine that those of us who have decided to lower the bar for our daughters. For those of us that have chosen to raise our kids with no aspirations. This vaccine is for the daughters of parents who want to settle for bare minimum. For the parents who have already decided that their daughter at the age of a mere 9 years old already has no self worth, and will never rise higher that that. She is destined for a life of promiscuous sex and irresponsibilty. It's a lovely way to say to your preteen daughter, I think you are going to be the school slut and you don't possess the brains to protect yourself. It almost sounds like a Hallmark Card. Oh, for those of you who dont know what I'm talking about, it's the HPV Virus vaccine for girls 9-24 (I think that higher age is correct) it's a sexually transmitted disease which could cause cervical cancer. I love the world we have become.

Okay, this blog is getting long, so stay tuned for "Getting stuck on an icy road" , "Fruit with Fizz" "New Car", "Steve's birthday" "New Glasses" "Good deal Ann Taylor dress" "Holiday party" and "My invitation to Portland"

I'm sleepy, I'm going to go to bed. Cailin is sleeping with me tonight. I don't think she realizes it yet. She fell asleep on the couch and I put her in my bed since Steve's gone. I like cuddling with her, we don't get to do this very often.

Almost, but no cigar

Okay, I was going to write a blog about how Im back and Im sorry my break from writing was so long.
Both my kids were playing quietly, I sat down, turned on Oprah and was ready to write.
But now Avrie, my almost 2 year old is screaming at me like a Howler Monkey and has a mysterious glob of blue something hanging off the end of her protruding tongue. So, I will have to continue this another time. Probably around 2:00am when all 3 of my kids are sleeping. Oops, I mean my 2 kids and husband.
Talk to you later!